Prayers answered?

So, I've been praying a lot that Corry will find a job that really challenges him and makes him happy.  The other day at work he got really fed up of the politics there and the people and he went to one of his supervisors and asked him about the logistics of going down to part time so he could find another part-time job.  His supervisor told him to hold tight for just a little longer, and the next day, pointed out a trainer position that has just opened up.  A position that Corry has interviewed once before and was passed up for, but still!  And today another supervisor pointed out that same position to him!  Maybe this is God answering my prayers!  I sure hope so...because I do feel Corry feeling dissatisfied that he has worked so hard in life, and there were times where he was doing really well for himself, only to be pushed back down to the bottom and made to start at entry-level jobs.  He has mentioned how he feels the mark of Cain on himself, and that makes me so sad!  Another thing is that the movie store here in town is hiring part-time, and so is the bank across town.  I think I'll put in applications there considering the weather is nicer now and Abbe and Luke can walk home from school.  They walk with me here everyday anyways...but it seems like finally I'm getting a response from God.  Maybe it's because now I'm asking for more than just what I want, I've been asking for a willingness to change my ways and direction in my life.  Maybe my life isn't glitz and glamour.  Maurissa has recently expressed disappointment in what I've chosen in life.  She has mentioned before that she always imagined me being rich...but that isn't what I want.  I know some people might laugh at this but I'm really not a "things" person.  I'm happy being poor, some of the best years of my life I was poor (money-wise) but really rich as far as having family who just loved the poobers out of me and I was able to do the things I loved.  I'm praising God today either way.  Even if Corry doesn't get this promotion, and even if I don't get either of the jobs I'm applying for, God has given me hope that it can happen.  That there are still opportunities out there for us.  I would hate very much to become stuck.

Guilty

Guilty is definitely the word that I would use to describe how I'm feeling.  Corry works really hard, he's been working 10 hours a day lately, and it's too much.  I can see from how he is when he comes home that the stress is just crushing in on him.  I wish that he had a job that he liked...especially because he works so hard so that I can stay home.  I've been babysitting whenever I can, picking up odd jobs to make things easier...but all of our major bills are still his responsibility.  Last night he came home and told me right away that he had a terrible day at work...and I just steamrolled him (conversation wise) and told him about MY day.  I'm sure that he just wanted to vent for a little while and I couldn't even let him do that...
I know his job sucks, and he hates sales.  I mean, if pretty much anyone thinks about how they treat someone who calls trying to sell something...well it's not very nice.  I know even knowing that my love is one of those people I'm still fairly rude on the phone to sales people.  So I've been looking for a different job for him, looking for something that would make him more fulfilled, and the only thing that's really standing out to me is moving to North Dakota so that he can work for the oil companies in an office job or something.  I think that's something he'd like and the cost of living doesn't appear to be as much there.  I don't want to leave my family behind, I know that leaving my Mommy would be beyond hard for me,  I just want to be able to have a life with him where he isn't so stressed all the time.  I'm trying to be as good to him as he is to me.  We could really use prayers in this area.

Hm Hm Hm....

I've been feeling stagnant lately, despite the fact that so many things have been going well for me.  I have a great life, I get to see my brother and sister everyday, and through that help my mom out.  I am engaged to the most wonderful man in the world who thinks I'm the greatest thing since anything.  I just can't help feeling...just kind of blank.  I'm happy, don't get me wrong.  I just feel like there are so many things I'd like to do and I feel so far from accomplishing them.  I want to lose this baby weight, I want to plan my wedding and get married, I want to get to a place where Corry is happy in his job and we're more than comfortable money-wise.  (We're doing much better with money, lately.  We're all caught up and things are hardly tight, we just needed time to learn to budget!!)  I want kids!  I've been praying a lot for direction and guidance, and I am just not hearing any answers.  Maybe for now I'm supposed to just stay put and be in this happy place?  I guess I need to spend some time with the bible.

This feeling...

I'm feeling very sad this morning.  I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed...but I just feel sick with sadness.  I kind of want to go wake up Corry and curl up in his arms, but I don't want to wake him.
Does anyone else just wake up feeling so lonely?

Spring!!!

I'm so thrilled with this warm weather.  I spent some time with Karen today, and then I went on a long walk around town to go get Abbe and Luke, it was almost TOO warm, and right now having all the windows open in our apartment, it feels pretty warm!!  Almost stuffy!  It's better than freezing to death and slipping around on the snow though.
Corry and I are starting to put together a wedding binder, just any ideas we like for our wedding so that we can figure out how much we're going to spend on it and save up.  It's really exciting!  It's funny, for so long I just settled on boys, (Mathew and even Noah, mainly...) knowing that they weren't the perfect person for me but living with it because I wanted to be loved so much.  Corry really is perfect.  He makes me feel so special, and even though he is definitely a terd, I like his terdiness.  I'm happy that I'm going to be his wife.
Another great thing is our house is very clean and we've finally put pictures up on the wall!  Yay!

Grrrr...

I'm having some issues with a certain person in my life.  I'll keep that vague, because I don't really want to get into a fight, I just need to vent. I'm also sure that people feel this way about me, but that's okay.
Okay....so....
I'm sick of people saying uncharitable things about me behind my back.  I'm sick of people pointing out the speck, (okay it may be a log,) in my eye when they have a log in theirs.  I'm sick of this holier-than-thou, high-falutin', better than you in every way and don't you even TRY to live up to my standard of living militant bull-poop.
If this person really tried to live to the standard that they believe that they do they would,
1. Be more understanding.
2. Lead by example.
3. Draw others in through encouragement, rather than by tearing others down.
I mean, I can learn from all those things too.  But there is one person in particular, a person that I've spent a lot of time lately FUMING about who has been particularly unkind to me and has really just been pushing my buttons.  I don't even want to see this person anymore because I feel they are TOXIC.  I know I have already labeled my Dad as toxic, and decided I didn't want him in my life anymore.  I would hate to become a person who always needs someone to feel angry at, but this other person I have felt this way about for quite some time.  Unfortunately I can't just cut this person out of my life, the logistics don't make sense.  So I will just have to learn how to let their nasty comments roll off my back, because honestly, I don't care about their opinion anyways.

News!!!

Be patient with me.

I have been really struggling learning to be more disciplined.  In a lot of ways.  I went to the doctor the other day, and I'm 170 lbs.  That's the heaviest I've ever been.  Also, just the simple matter of keeping the apartment clean sometimes seems like too much.  I've been trying.  Last night I got the apartment totally cleaned.  I cleaned the floors, the walls, the furniture...it feels nice to be relaxing in here today now that it's so clean.  It SMELLS great too, I didn't realize how gross the house smelled until I got it cleaned up.  : /  So I could use a prayer for that I guess.

Feelings...

Since I've gotten back from MN I'm just so up and down!  One minute I'm happy and goofy and smiling and the next minute I'm crying and I just want to hit whoever has the misfortune of being next to me, (usually Corry...)  I don't know what's wrong with me!  I think it's the weather or missing my family or the fact that I haven't been getting much sleep or maybe I haven't been active enough...I feel like how I did when I was 14.  Just all over the place.  I wish I could get myself under control and act like a normal person.  Oh well...I'm sure I'm just going through a restless phase. Corry's brother got our computer fixed, which makes me happy.  It's nice to have one again, I forget how convenient the internet is when I have it, and then when we don't I find that I've lost the chinese takeout number, or I want to look up Walgreen's hours before I go out to get Tums.  Stuff like that.  I'm glad to have that back.