Hm Hm Hm....

I've been feeling stagnant lately, despite the fact that so many things have been going well for me.  I have a great life, I get to see my brother and sister everyday, and through that help my mom out.  I am engaged to the most wonderful man in the world who thinks I'm the greatest thing since anything.  I just can't help feeling...just kind of blank.  I'm happy, don't get me wrong.  I just feel like there are so many things I'd like to do and I feel so far from accomplishing them.  I want to lose this baby weight, I want to plan my wedding and get married, I want to get to a place where Corry is happy in his job and we're more than comfortable money-wise.  (We're doing much better with money, lately.  We're all caught up and things are hardly tight, we just needed time to learn to budget!!)  I want kids!  I've been praying a lot for direction and guidance, and I am just not hearing any answers.  Maybe for now I'm supposed to just stay put and be in this happy place?  I guess I need to spend some time with the bible.

This feeling...

I'm feeling very sad this morning.  I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed...but I just feel sick with sadness.  I kind of want to go wake up Corry and curl up in his arms, but I don't want to wake him.
Does anyone else just wake up feeling so lonely?

Spring!!!

I'm so thrilled with this warm weather.  I spent some time with Karen today, and then I went on a long walk around town to go get Abbe and Luke, it was almost TOO warm, and right now having all the windows open in our apartment, it feels pretty warm!!  Almost stuffy!  It's better than freezing to death and slipping around on the snow though.
Corry and I are starting to put together a wedding binder, just any ideas we like for our wedding so that we can figure out how much we're going to spend on it and save up.  It's really exciting!  It's funny, for so long I just settled on boys, (Mathew and even Noah, mainly...) knowing that they weren't the perfect person for me but living with it because I wanted to be loved so much.  Corry really is perfect.  He makes me feel so special, and even though he is definitely a terd, I like his terdiness.  I'm happy that I'm going to be his wife.
Another great thing is our house is very clean and we've finally put pictures up on the wall!  Yay!

Grrrr...

I'm having some issues with a certain person in my life.  I'll keep that vague, because I don't really want to get into a fight, I just need to vent. I'm also sure that people feel this way about me, but that's okay.
Okay....so....
I'm sick of people saying uncharitable things about me behind my back.  I'm sick of people pointing out the speck, (okay it may be a log,) in my eye when they have a log in theirs.  I'm sick of this holier-than-thou, high-falutin', better than you in every way and don't you even TRY to live up to my standard of living militant bull-poop.
If this person really tried to live to the standard that they believe that they do they would,
1. Be more understanding.
2. Lead by example.
3. Draw others in through encouragement, rather than by tearing others down.
I mean, I can learn from all those things too.  But there is one person in particular, a person that I've spent a lot of time lately FUMING about who has been particularly unkind to me and has really just been pushing my buttons.  I don't even want to see this person anymore because I feel they are TOXIC.  I know I have already labeled my Dad as toxic, and decided I didn't want him in my life anymore.  I would hate to become a person who always needs someone to feel angry at, but this other person I have felt this way about for quite some time.  Unfortunately I can't just cut this person out of my life, the logistics don't make sense.  So I will just have to learn how to let their nasty comments roll off my back, because honestly, I don't care about their opinion anyways.

News!!!

Be patient with me.

I have been really struggling learning to be more disciplined.  In a lot of ways.  I went to the doctor the other day, and I'm 170 lbs.  That's the heaviest I've ever been.  Also, just the simple matter of keeping the apartment clean sometimes seems like too much.  I've been trying.  Last night I got the apartment totally cleaned.  I cleaned the floors, the walls, the furniture...it feels nice to be relaxing in here today now that it's so clean.  It SMELLS great too, I didn't realize how gross the house smelled until I got it cleaned up.  : /  So I could use a prayer for that I guess.

Feelings...

Since I've gotten back from MN I'm just so up and down!  One minute I'm happy and goofy and smiling and the next minute I'm crying and I just want to hit whoever has the misfortune of being next to me, (usually Corry...)  I don't know what's wrong with me!  I think it's the weather or missing my family or the fact that I haven't been getting much sleep or maybe I haven't been active enough...I feel like how I did when I was 14.  Just all over the place.  I wish I could get myself under control and act like a normal person.  Oh well...I'm sure I'm just going through a restless phase. Corry's brother got our computer fixed, which makes me happy.  It's nice to have one again, I forget how convenient the internet is when I have it, and then when we don't I find that I've lost the chinese takeout number, or I want to look up Walgreen's hours before I go out to get Tums.  Stuff like that.  I'm glad to have that back.