That is one of the most awful words in the English language. Miscarriage. If I'm honestly supposed to feel like losing my baby wasn't my fault, why is that the word that describes what happened? The word doesn't sound like a probable chromosomal imbalance, it sounds like I flubbed or something.
I'm never going to forget how awful yesterday was. My first baby, the baby Corry and I were so excited for, died and then stayed within me for 5 weeks. I didn't even know. I was writing letters to the baby, Corry was speaking to it through my tummy, and all the while it just wasn't there. It feels insane. It feels like some type of practical joke. If this morning I had woken up and I wasn't bleeding, I would have continued on like it was one.
I know lots of people go through this, I know that something like 15% of pregnancies end this way, but you never expect anything like this to happen to you. I'm just glad that I know that our baby is in heaven, and my Papa and Corry's grandma and all my relatives are there holding the baby. And someday I'll be able to meet the baby too, just not this May.
Corry really needs prayers right now. This has been really devastating to him, almost more than it was to me. It's really making him doubt his faith, and I'm worried for his emotional health right now too. He's wanted a family for so long, and just when he thought he had it it's been torn away from him. So, prayers would be good. I could use them too, prayers that I'll be able to find a good job soon, since I'm not going to be a stay at home Mommy anymore.
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