Cookin'

 I've been doing more cooking lately than I usually do.  I don't mean that I never make dinner but usually it's something like Hamburger Helper.  I've been doing REAL cooking lately.  When Corry's sister Joelle was over her and I made some pot pies.  One was chicken, sweet corn, carrots and peas with a rue and bouillon gravy.  The best part was a crisp potato topping.  The other was a red wine and rue gravy over beef, tomatoes, red peppers and mashed with cheese and a biscuit topping.  Both I think could have been better, I have ideas to improve them next time I make them.  The other thing Corry and I made that was REALLY good is tacos.  Corry's brother Chad gave us a TON of spare ribs and we didn't really know what to do with them.  We tried barbecuing them but there was so much fat and gristle on them it wasn't really enjoyable like that.  So Corry had the idea to cook them in the crock pot, then clean all the fat and gristle, shred the meat and turn it into tacos!!!  It was a GREAT success.  I haven't had tacos that good in a long while.  But next time you're at the store and you're considering buying a packet of taco seasoning for $3.....do it for WAY cheaper at home.  We found a recipe for taco seasoning online today that was even better than the store bought stuff, in my opinion and it is made with stuff that I know almost everyone has in their spice cupboard. 

1 tablespoon chili powder

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

1/4 teaspoon onion powder

1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

1/4 teaspoon dried oregano

1/2 teaspoon paprika

1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin

1 teaspoon sea salt

1 teaspoon black pepper

This made about an average packet full of taco seasoning mix.  We also put a fresh jalapeno and about a 1/4 cup of salsa in our meat, (we cooked 3 packages of spare ribs and after it was all cooked it was about a pound of meat, roughly,) and it was really REALLY good.  I love to cook, and when things go as nicely as they did today and your plans turn out great, it makes me more excited to make great meals.  It's really satisfying to go into your cupboard and think, what can I make with what I have?  Tomorrow, we're going to make a pork roast with sauerkraut and dumplings, and I think I might make some candied carrots to have along with that.  Maybe I'll even make snicker doodles for dessert, who knows?! 



Company

So, this weekend and the beginning of this week I spent a lot of time having, "Company."  It was fun to meet new people, Corry's sister Autumn and her fiancee and his sister Joelle and her puppy, Pixie.  Then we spent an afternoon with his brother Chad.  I am SO glad to have the house back to Corry and myself.  It's nice to spend time with people but I'm definitely a homebody. 

Christmas

Well, this was a very nice Christmas this year.  It hasn't felt much like Christmas, but I got to see my family and we talked a lot.  I feel good about that, I've always felt like we don't have enough time to just talk and ask each other questions and enjoy each other's company.  I had a really nice time last night staying up late talking to my Mommy and Mamma.  We all have a lot in common.  I miss Corry and I can't wait to see him, but I am glad that I had this time to be with everyone.

Weekend report

Well, this weekend went by really quickly.  On Friday I attempted some good old fashioned "cook with what you've got home cooking."  This is something I have NEVER been good at.  I admit, when I can go online and look at recipes for hours, then find one, then modify, then go buy all the ingredients...I can make something pretty awesome.  (My cornish game hens, my thyme and tomato salmon, my wine marinated pot roast.)  But when I look through a cupboard and I have hardly anything, it's hard for me to envision a meal out of what I have.  However, since Corry worked all week and only had an apple to take to work for lunch, I stepped up my game and made TUNA CASSEROLE!  The reason I did this is because we had mostly everything I needed to make it and I was confident that I could modify the recipe with what I had.  The other reason I did this is, well, I was trying to be sweet and have dinner ready for Corry when he got home!  It wasn't very good.  I overseasoned it and my timing was off so the finished tuna casserole sat on the oven for an hour and then went back in before I went to pick him up from work, so the noodles got overdone, I had added a can of mushrooms for extra vegetables and it didn't work...the whole consistency was slimy and mushy.  Except for the crackers I mushed up on top, (the recipe I was looking at called for french fried onions...I was improvising!!)  So, I am not the comfort food queen.  Sue me. 
Saturday I woke up and went over to my wonderful Mom's house for a day of, "helping," and, "cleaning."  I cleaned a bit, but first I had some burritos.  Then we decided to just go finish our Christmas shopping.  And that's what we did.  So sorry I didn't help soooo much Mommy, we did get something productive done though!  On the way home Corry called and told me that we were FINALLY going to get our couch!  After a month and a half of sitting on the floor, we were finally going to get something to sit on.  So we got that in and since then we've been glued to it when we get home. 
Sunday we spent a bit of time with Corry's friend Nate, literally a BIT of time.  He called and asked if he could come over and we said, yes but we're leaving at 4 to go have dinner with Corry's dad.  He got here at 4:15.  So we said hey, we talked for 5 minutes, then we left and went to Cimarolli's.  Which has...the best...steak...ever.  Corry's Dad and Stepmom were very nice.  I enjoyed meeting them and speaking with them, they got me a little wax fragrance melter that looks like a frying pan.  It's really adorable.  So, we're on the nice list on that side of the family again, which is a relief.  Corry was pretty sad when he and his Dad were fighting, and I can tell last night made him pretty happy which made me happy, too. 
So that was our weekend, and this week I'm going to be cleaning the crap out of the apartment, then leaving on Friday morning to go to Christmas!  I can't wait to see everyone!

A letter to my baby

So, when I was pregnant Corry and I had been keeping a baby journal.  Just a journal full of things that we wanted our baby to know one day.  A picture of who we were and what we were feeling.  When I miscarried we decided that we were going to burn the journal as kind of a funeral.  I was looking through the journal and I saw this entry and after reading my Mamma's blog about my Papa, I decided I wanted to post this entry.

Dear Baby,
I wanted to tell you more about your Grandparents.  Your Great Mamma, who I've mentioned before, her name is Sandra Ida, but most people call her Sandi.  She is fun and warm and nice and smart and also a little bonkers.  Sometimes she'll freak out and call people, "COCK EYED PIGS!"  but it's something that she'll laugh about later.  She loves to laugh.  I love her very much.  I think the reason I love makeup and looking pretty so much is because of her.  She taught me all about that stuff when I was little, and let me practice on her.  Your Mamma is the best cook, and I hope by the time you're born I'll know how to make gravy as good as her, but I doubt it.  She's the best.  Your biological Great Papa's name was Gilbert.  People called him Gil.  He was the kindest, gentlest man I have ever known, (but your Daddy is a like him in a LOT of ways.)  Papa loved to sing.  He and Mamma sang together all the time, in church and at home.  I miss the music that they made together, and I bet she does, too.  She doesn't sing quite as much anymore.  Papa delighted in all the things the people he loved did.  He was always there for us with a laugh and a smile and a compliment.  He gave the best hugs and he could fix anything that was broken, except for his lungs I guess.  No one ever actually expected that a stupid disease could beat such a strong and exuberant man.  Maybe that's why no one has gotten over his death, even 10 years later.  It feels like it should have never happened.  He left behind such a BIG hole in all our hearts, I STILL cry regularly, missing him so much.  He would have been so excited that you are on your way.  I think he would have been really, really happy to be your Great Papa.  Someday you'll get to meet him though, and until then you won't be without a Great Grandpa.  Mamma remarried to your Great Grandpa Jim.  He is a very nice man.  He likes books and sports and he loves his grandkids.  I'm sure you'll love him like I do.  Anyways I just wanted to tell you about them.  I love you my sweet baby, Mommy.

There is a lot to be sad about in this world, but there is so much to be thankful for too.  I'm really glad that my baby isn't all alone.  I'm really happy that I've had and still have so many people that love me.  It's still hard though, to cope with loss.  It makes it all the more important to appreciate each other while we're still on earth.

Love

So, this is the first year where deciding where to spend Christmas was hard for me.  Corry and I were going to go together to my Mamma's house, which I was excited for because I can't wait for him to be a part of my family.  I want everyone to love him as much as I do.  Unfortunately, his work only gave him two days off for Christmas, and he can't take off any of the surrounding days.  So needless to say, I was totally bummed out.  My best Christmas memories have always been made at Mamma's.  However, I didn't want to leave Corry alone on Christmas.  Especially after everything we've been through lately, it just seemed mean.  I was hemming and hawing over this for weeks, but Corry just kept telling me that it was okay if I went to MN.  He told me that he would obviously be sad that we wouldn't be spending our first Christmas together, but that he knew how important it was for me to be with my family.  I am so relieved that I don't have to worry about hurting his feelings or anything and so thankful that he's so understanding of this.  It's things like this that make me love him so much.  I've thought I was in love before, but REALLY being in love now makes me laugh at those "relationships."  None of my exes ever took care of me while I was sick, or comforted me while I was hurting.  Corry has done that many times already.  None of my ex boyfriends ever told me that I was the most beautiful girl in the world, they always said that I couldn't expect to be that for someone.  Corry tells me that I am the most beautiful girl in the world every day, more than once.  He pampers me, he cooks me dinner, he laughs when he comes home and the house is a mess, and he praises me for the things I DID do that day.  He talks to me for hours every night when he comes home from work, and he always snuggles me to sleep. 
I have a bad habit of doing too much "venting."  Obviously there are things about Corry that drive me NUTS.  However, he really is the love of my life.  I want so much to become Mrs. Emmalee Locke.  I want to have kids with him because I know he'd be a great and doting Dad.  I can tell by the way he teaches Luke to make split pea soup, and how he takes him fishing.  I can tell by the way he's always kind to Abbe and listens to her when she talks about her friends and stuff, (things that I have a hard time listening to.)  I love him so, so much.  I'm excited for next year when we can all spend Christmas together.

Record player

All I can think about is babies.  I'm sure this blog is looking a lot like how my mind feels.  It doesn't matter where I am, everything makes me think about the baby Corry and I lost.  I keep wanting to try again for another one, even though I know the timing is all wrong with our financial situation being like it is.  I just want to know HOW I'm supposed to move on and forget about becoming a mother?  For months all I seemed to talk or think about was becoming a parent.  It was something that made Corry and I both feel better about our lives.  It was a dream of ours that was coming true.  We know that we'll never be rich, but knowing that we could be parents was really comforting.  So what now?